Another Slog in Vague

My life by its very nature is a lonely business, but being in this Supervisory role has made it all the more obvious. It’s cut off one of my two venues for social contact. No longer can I fuck from that gene pool without repercussions. Seriously, I can barely hang out with friends like Harmony without the paranoia that staff think we’re dating or something. And the jokes. The fucking supposed ha-ha jokes where people say they shouldn’t say things in front of me because of my position - well it’s bullshit and the joke’s not funny anymore.

Truth to tell, I probably wouldn’t give a fuck about this if I were dating or at least seeing someone.

All those little adjustments - the pressure of what other people think of you and your decisions, the need to present yourself in public even when you don’t want to, the competitive nature of the job, the incompetence you have to support. Stuff I could handle if I weren’t so down about my life and the people who aren’t in it.

It appears that Mazzy is taking her vacation two days earlier than expected and I had no knowledge of this. Thanks for the information! I did a little snooping because I was a the only Supervisor at the Overlook and looked through some personnel files for my own edification. I noticed that two staff were being petitioned for bonuses - it’s something I had suggested earlier, but left it vague so as to let Mazzy get the clue - well, it did turn out that Harmony and Fatima were the ones, but now that I see the twisted nature of monetary significance to our little savage republic, it’s the worst fucking thing Mazzy could do. Hey, here’s $500, happy birthday, merry christmas, whatever, go pay off your loans, go out and get yourself something nice. And you know what the sad fucking thing is - they’re on the lowest level and they’d appreciate it - take it, because that’s the nature of handouts. Self-serving and greedy just to be able to buy a new pair of boots. I so fucking hate the use of money as bait, as a means of appreciation.

I also was at the Grand today, making sure I showed my face in the lobby office. God, I hated it - I feel so useless there, I don’t know a fucking thing about the place. But you know what, I’m going to have to buck up and get used to it.

Sorry for being so miserable - I’m getting sick of it too.